Dreams and Stories

For a while a thought has been coursing through my mind, Just what keeps me going ? I mean I have been through so much, have seen, done and felt so much. Why do i keep in going ? It is not like I have anyone making me go forward as it i m on a bullock cart or something. So why do I go forward ? For a while I thought may be it was the desire for winning that keeps me going. May be it is that never ending desire for excellence that make me tick. But after a while I realized even though i do possess that desire it does not drive me. It too is a manifestation of some other mysterious internal reason. May be it was the love for my family, my parents. But even though I love them and like to make them safe and happy, they too are not the main reason I keep at it. After all what i have done already is enough to make them proud. Then I thought may be it was my fiance that I wanted to make happy,proud and safe. But today I realized it was none of these things. I mean all these times I had so much wanted to be wanted, wanted to be loved and understood and respected by other just like any normal human being. But today i discovered what i need more than anything it is to succeed. If anyone of you ever read weefree men, it says, the hills are the bones and the bones are the hills. It is all one. The history rallied behind you, the blinding heritage, the longings of generations is what drives you. The bones of them all, the tears of them all, the blood of them all stand beside you. You are never alone if you just remember who you are and why you are here. Remember it is not just you, it is them all, hopes of generations have been aflame inside you waiting to roar to this world in celebration when you make entry in to this world as an envious and exemplary person. And thus finally I knew what I searched for was inside me. I was talking to her on a book she sent me for my birthday. It was so long since I properly read a book I was so delighted just to hold it in my arms. It gave me such pleasure to dig in to it and get lost in the world of the "Lost Boy". And I wanted her to share in the memories. But I guess she was a bit too preoccupied with her things. Anyway I was a bit shaken up. But as i was going to go to sleep I suddenly realized I just didn't care. I just wanted to read the book, consume it, revel in the thoughts of the "Lost Boy" and bathe in the warmth of a dreamworld only story can provide. That was when I knew why I did all this. This entity called me was not a random creation. My roots go back so far in to the past. And as i stand here today so many dreams stand beside me. The dreams dreamt by the storyteller. They are my dreams and I live for them. I live for the stories and the dreams that I create, my heritage. I don't need any other thing to live for. For this is my life. The life of a story teller,  dreamer,  

The Rainmaker.