you know i thought that this was going to be fun. well it is. i cant complain.but all the while i think what if?what if? i would never know what it would be like you know.i can hear the sounds from above but still my mind is nowhere near there. wonder what you would have done. i know what you would have wanted me to do. i know i am eventually going to do it.but i just miss u. thats all. even when it hits me i will be wondering.what if?

In a free fall

Ever been in a free fall ? Those who have know what i am talking about. you know that the fall is coming even as you feel the thrill of falling freely the dread of reaching ground is busy in your head. I count days as time slowly withers past. Aimless and wandering I struggle through dreamy landscape full of nightmares of lonliness. I dont knowwhen I will get out of here but I will. But what I know is that when I come out I am going to be a lot stronger than I was going in. With her standing beside me we will get through this. Together and Stronger. Love you

Story of an Autumn

Yeah, That's right. The time when the environment is cooling off and shedding the rush of the summer. The world is at peace with itself again and we humans absorb the quality. I like the cool breeze that is neither too hot nor too cold. The falling leaves and the long evenings. I just like to stare at the world which is slowly but steadily healing itself.

The autumn holds a special meaning for me although i am the winters child. I think that the solitary nature of my childhood has made this the way it is. I always loved to take long lonely walks and stare at nothing and wonder about everything in the lit up solitary evenings. The feeling is the most wondrous one that I have ever known. I remember this picture from my childhood where there was a long lonely road and there were big trees along the edges. The leaves were all of a golden color and were covering the walk. There was a slight shimmering mist hanging around the picture. The leaves were gently drifting down in the slight breeze and seemed so soft and fragile that you would think that they would go twinkle and break in to a thousand pieces when they hit the earth. There was a halo hanging around the picture that gave the chilly complexion to the whole scene and just by looking at the shimmering mist you could feel the slight chill that the lonely guy walking away from you in the picture was feeling. There was no mention of sadness or remorse in the picture. No tears, no wails no lost soul or compassionate face staring up at you, instead there was this solitary man walking down an unknown and forgotten path to an invisible destination. The sadness or rather the remorse in the mans life was so solid and physically imposing in the picture that you would be forgiven for thinking that the image some sort of bad omen.

Well i have been feeling like the man in the image for sometime now. I think that the reason will become so obvious soon enough. The winds this time have been feeling colder and the air is far more chilly. The harshness of the world is really creeping upon me as I am reminded of the "Houses of Healing" from the Lord of the Rings - The Return of the King.

"The trees are now changing from green to gold"
"And the sun is now fading"
"I wish I could hold you closer"

I just wish the same thing.